Matthew Branch
  • Empty Generation
  • Modern-ish Man
  • Clips and Friends
  • About
  • Contact

Man Seeks Mattress

1/28/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
I tried to buy a mattress once. I got scared. Have you ever gone mattress shopping? It isn't easy. They only sell one thing. Mattresses. Maybe, mattress accessories if you go to one of the nicer shops. Nobody is "just looking" in a mattress store. The people in the store know exactly why you are there and you know exactly why you are there. I tried to prepare myself for the impending awkward conversations as the salespeople tried to help me articulate what I was looking for in a bed. I thought "flat" was a good answer but apparently that ruled out a whole section of remote-controlled beds with adjustable slopes and shapes. By the time the third salesman approached me, I practically yelled at him. "I decided I don't really want something to sleep on, bye!"   

My final barrier to maturity has really grown this thin. Buying a house and starting a family is no longer the beacon guiding me into adulthood. All I want is my very own mattress – a vacuum sealed, warranty protected amalgamation of springs and fabric to rest my progressively balding head on. Something I bought with my own money. Maybe something Tempur-Pedic. 



0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Matthew Branch

    Modern-ish man, writer, educator, adventurer, taco connaisseur

    View my profile on LinkedIn
    Tweets by @matthew_branch

    Archives

    January 2017
    November 2016
    March 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    May 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    September 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    August 2012


    RSS Feed

Powered by
Photos used under Creative Commons from masochismtango, Grandpa & Grandma T., bradcerenzia, torbakhopper HE DEAD, Matt Lavin, Alberto Cabello Mayero, Tim Evanson, flazingo_photos, BLMOregon, AlishaV, twm1340, MattysFlicks, Alan Stanton, Just Another Wretch, frankieleon, Image Editor, fred_v, nevil zaveri, BillDamon
✕