I tried to buy a mattress once. I got scared. Have you ever gone mattress shopping? It isn't easy. They only sell one thing. Mattresses. Maybe, mattress accessories if you go to one of the nicer shops. Nobody is "just looking" in a mattress store. The people in the store know exactly why you are there and you know exactly why you are there. I tried to prepare myself for the impending awkward conversations as the salespeople tried to help me articulate what I was looking for in a bed. I thought "flat" was a good answer but apparently that ruled out a whole section of remote-controlled beds with adjustable slopes and shapes. By the time the third salesman approached me, I practically yelled at him. "I decided I don't really want something to sleep on, bye!"
My final barrier to maturity has really grown this thin. Buying a house and starting a family is no longer the beacon guiding me into adulthood. All I want is my very own mattress – a vacuum sealed, warranty protected amalgamation of springs and fabric to rest my progressively balding head on. Something I bought with my own money. Maybe something Tempur-Pedic.
My final barrier to maturity has really grown this thin. Buying a house and starting a family is no longer the beacon guiding me into adulthood. All I want is my very own mattress – a vacuum sealed, warranty protected amalgamation of springs and fabric to rest my progressively balding head on. Something I bought with my own money. Maybe something Tempur-Pedic.
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